“You got me thinking twice to just breathe And you say I won’t survive if I leave But I got a couple tricks up my sleeve I no longer need your attention, At Ease” – Nicki Minaj “Here I Am”
This song, and pretty much all of the Pink Friday album, has become my theme song. What I mean is that growing up, I was never alone for a long period of time. I always had someone around me, someone I could fall back on if I really needed to, and I had gotten used to that security blanket. So now, we -my mom and I- are in the process of moving to Florida. The only thing is that she had to leave the 4th of this month to get out there and start work. Well, she didn’t want me to be alone, so she called my brother to come out with me to watch me and stuff. It was nothing unusual, but in the back of my mind I started wondering, I’m almost an adult, basically an adult! Why do I need my big brother to come out and watch me like I’m five or something? Turns out, a lot of people have been asking the same question. So then, he leaves. At first I’m like ok, he’ll be back in a couple of days. Then a couple of days turned into a couple more days, and to this day, he has been gone for over a week…and I’m loving it! At first, the idea freaked me out because I only had my two legs to stand on for the first time in ever, but like a baby antelope I quickly adapted and I can positively say that I can live on my own. It is an awesome feeling to know that I am able to say this, and mean it.
So while my brother has been gone, I have been packing up our house, and let me tell you that is a little nerve-wracking. I know I have done a pretty good job, I also know that I need to keep some stuff out so I can live here, but I still freak out that everything is not packed. I don’t like disappointing people, but the more I think the more freaked out I get, and then I get disappointed in myself for freaking out. But, to console myself, I remind myself that my brother is a bit of a perfectionist, so I have no idea what he’s expecting when he gets back. Man!
In other not depressing news, I have a going away party tonight! I bowl with some people who work for the VA*, and since I’m leaving, I get cake! I love cake. Not all types of cake, but lots of cake.